How to Ensure Your Funeral Reflects Your Life and Values

Posted by ANGELA RICH HARTMANN | Jun 03, 2026 | 0 Comments

Many people have a childhood memory of somebody close to them passing away. Whether the deceased was a parent or grandparent, an aunt or uncle, or a family friend, it may have been their first real encounter with grief or attending a funeral.

That experience may have left a lasting impression, influencing what you want—or do not want—for your own memorial. For many families, traditional services offer comfort and continuity; for others, a conventional funeral may feel disconnected from the life being honored.

In addition to options such as cremation, more Americans are exploring memorial alternatives that include celebrations of life and even living funerals. Whatever your preferences, you may wish to plan your memorial services well in advance.

Death Planning Is Part of Estate Planning

An estate consists of everything you own when you die, including your house, your car, and your personal possessions, as well as your bank accounts, investments, and retirement funds.

When you die, certain people (e.g., an executor of your estate or a close relative) can generally exercise rights over your body, including its proper disposal. However, you may want to make your wishes known by putting a plan in place. That plan should also include how the arrangements will be paid for.

Without a binding estate plan that instructs people how to handle your remains, their disposition, like the disposition of your assets, is left up to those with authority. That means your spouse, children, parents, or siblings usually decide what to do with your body. They may do what they think is best, but that may be a far cry from what you imagine for yourself.

According to a 2025 survey, two-thirds of Americans have thought through their end-of-life arrangements in detail, including the type of service, its location, and the music to accompany it. Ten percent of them say they have gone as far as determining the “overall mood” they want for the occasion; nearly one in five say they think about their own death at least once per day.

But thinking about death and planning for it are two very different things. In the same study, death and estate planning ranked second-most difficult to discuss with loved ones. One-quarter called the topic “uncomfortable.”

Talking through death and estate planning, though, may not be nearly as uncomfortable—or as burdensome—as leaving family members to decide how to dispose of your body if you have not decided ahead of time, clearly stated your wishes in a legal document, and set aside money for the arrangements.

The funds to pay for your funeral, burial, or memorial services come out of your estate. These expenses have high priority and are generally paid before most other debts. However, without a plan that includes payment considerations, only “reasonable” costs are typically covered. More detailed or extravagant funeral or celebration-of-life expenses may be reduced or not covered.

Research from Choice Mutual estimates that the average cost in 2026 of a traditional funeral with burial is approximately $8,000–$9,000. Funeral fees can also quickly expand: Add in $50–$80 per flower arrangement, $2,500–$5,000 for a funeral plot, a few thousand dollars for a grave marker, plus more (e.g., another $150–$600 to release white doves), and costs can quickly move beyond what is likely to be considered “reasonable.”

A common way to pay for burial and funeral costs is with a life insurance or final expenses policy. Other ways to pay include putting cash in a savings account, prepaying a funeral home for the service, setting up a payable-on-demand (POD) account, or, as a last resort, selling off assets after death.

But the second-most-popular option, per Choice Mutual's research (“my family will figure it out”) is revealing. It shows that people may be thinking about their death and mentally planning their memorials, but not formally documenting their wishes in an estate plan. Failing to do so could result in a situation where your loved ones have no plan to follow and no funds set aside for your end-of-life wishes. You may be fine with that and resigned to whatever they choose. But if you want your loved ones to celebrate your life your way, you need to plan ahead and consider professional support long in advance.

Intentional Planning and Traditional Funeral Alternatives

You may not be able to choose how you die. But you have some say in how you are remembered and the legacy you leave. That legacy ends—or, depending on how you look at it, begins—with your send–off ceremony. More Americans are opting for newer or alternative burial options, which may include more personalized, eco-friendly, and tech-enabled funeral services.

Living Funerals

A living funeral is a memorial or celebration held while the person being honored is still alive. Rather than focusing on loss, these gatherings center on connection, reflection, and shared memories, with the honoree often present and involved. They can range from formal services with readings and speeches to informal dinners or parties and may be private or open to a broader community. A living funeral does not have to replace the final disposition. Burial, cremation, or another method may still occur later and should also be planned.

Why People Choose This Option

The honoree has an opportunity to hear stories, receive gratitude, and participate directly.
It creates meaningful memories while time and health allow.
It shifts the focus from loss to celebration and connection.